


Hold On

by Fellow_Human_Being



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Dark, Depression, How Do I Tage W/o Spoiling?, Langst, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Mental Health Issues, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 04:37:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16527512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fellow_Human_Being/pseuds/Fellow_Human_Being
Summary: In all sorts of state his mother could have been, he would preferred other than right now. It doesn’t matter what others would say or suggest, finding your mother hang from the ceiling fan is the worst thing to see.It's how her body swayed and how unresponsive make Lance’s knees weak, air refusing to enter his lungs and his head is spinning. It was Lance’s cries for his mother that have his friends running into the room.





	Hold On

“You sure it’s alright?” Hunk asked nervously, yanking his yellow and brown backpack onto his lap as Pidge slid next to him. The gremlin living up to their name,  place their backpack next to them and hog the two seats as Hunk stayed perfectly content in his one seat. Lance made sure they buckle up from the rearview mirror before glancing to his right at Keith, buckling up himself afterwards.

“Yeah, didn’t your mom get upset when you said nothing last time?” Lance rolled his eyes as he drove out of the parking lot, Keith crossing his arms to strike his usual and typical pose as he make a point. A good point, but Lance wasn’t going to agree with. 

 

_ “For the last time, it’s not a pose!” Keith shouted at Lance, throwing the empty juice box at the Cuban boy. Ever since Lance have seen Keith’s closed off stance, Lance could never help but rile the older boy. Especially if Keith looks sad, because a mad Keith is better than a sad one.  _

_ Lance only laughed, holding his stomach as it started to ache from laughing so hard because a mad Keith is also entertaining. It’s only when Lance’s mama enter the living room did he slightly calm down, watching as his mother enter with a tray of more juice boxes and warm cookies with a bright smile. “Lance, stop teasing the poor boy and take a break.”  _

_ Smiling with a missing tooth, Lance grabs the smaller boy’s hands. They abandoned doing homework half a hour ago, but his mother didn’t need to know that. Keith wouldn’t say anything and neither will Lance. “These cookies are going to blow your mind.” _

 

“She was only upset because she didn’t cook anything for you all.” Lance shot back, honking at a car as it drove past them in a hurry. “Dumbass.”

“At least text her,” Keith reached over and took the aux cord, everyone groaning as he plug in his phone. “Come on guys, it’s my turn.”

“Yeah yeah, just no more MCR.”

“Oh, shut up Lance.”

 

My lover’s got humor

She’s the giggle at the funeral

Knows everybody’s disapproval

_ I should’ve worshipped her sooner _

 

_ If the Heavens ever did speak _

_ She is the last true mouthpiece _

_ Every Sunday’s getting more bleak _

_ A fresh poison each week _

_ ‘We were born sick,’ you heard them say it _

 

_ Middle school was harder. Not for Lance (yes it is, kids became crueler as they grow older), but for his mother. Everyday was more papers for him to give to his mom, each asking for ways to support the events made for the kids or asking parents to help their kids with homework. Homework that his mother stare endlessly to make sense of. Homework that endlessly torture his mother’s mind. _

_ “It’s okay, mama.” Lance tried to comfort, trying to pulled away the papers. It was past dinner time and he was starting to worry that it’ll become cold. “I’ll just say it was hard to understand.” _

_ But his mama wasn’t having it, pinning the paper on the table with her hand as the other hand run through her hair. “No need, I can figure this out, mijo. It’s the thing with slope right? The-it’s the standard form thing with the slope, I know it is. It’s just-just not clicking right away.” _

_ “Mama-” _

_ “I’m not stupid,” Lance’s eyes widen, the sense of dread crawling up in his skin as his mother’s eyes were filled with tears. “I not, I really do know this. It’s not because I’m stupid. Because I’m not, not stupid. Not stupid. Not stupid. Not stupid. Not stu-” _

 

“Lance!” Cold hands touch his right cheek, making Lance jump. He turned to his right and see Keith frowning with concern in his eyes. “The light is-”

“Fucken drive Lance, it’s green as your envy for Beyonce.” At that, Lance look forward and see the traffic light is green. As he lightly press the gas pedal to start, he look at his rearview mirror to glare at Pidge. 

“For your information, Beyonce is my queen. I respect her and happy she’s on top of the music industry, I do not envy her or hold ill feelings about her.” His friends laughed at that, carrying the topic about Lance’s unhealthy obsession with Beyonce.

 

_ At the night before his first year in high school, he was gone for the entire day. Keith wanted to hang out and do last minute shopping for school supplies. The original plan was to do a sleep over at Keith’s place, but Shiro was having none of that after catching them ‘experimenting’. There’s no regret, but now it sucks they can’t do sleepovers. _

_ He woke up with a loud wailing booming off the walls, the sound breaking his heart as he warily head to his mama’s room. “Mama? You okay?”  _

_ There was a sharp intake of air, silence hanging for a few seconds before another sob broke out. With no amount of hesitation, Lance enter the room. There were empty orange bottles on the floor, pills of all colors scatter around into small piles. Sobbing into her hands as she sat on the ground, Lance’s mama hid as much of her face as she could.  _

_ Lance already knew that his mother, the same woman who brings warmth into his life and smiles everyday, is not as okay as she make it seem, that she needs more help than ever.  _

 

“We probably have some popsicles in the freezer,” Lance says over his shoulder, opening the front door. 

“Didn’t we finished those a couple days ago?” Keith asked, pushing his way inside and throwing his backpack next to the door. Hunk smiled as Lance whined about how rude Keith is, placing his backpack gently next to Keith's’. Pidge didn’t bother placing her backpack down, aware she’ll start working with the laptop as soon as she sat down. 

“We bought more.” Lance bought more, his mama wasn’t feeling well-haven’t feeling well lately-but he doesn’t mention that. “I made sure to get that dairy-free ice cream, seeing how you liked it last time.”

He thinks Keith blushed, Pidge saying something snarky about how they act like a couple as Hunk cooes at them, but he looks in the kitchen in hope to see his mother. Maybe he should had told her that he was bringing his friends. She was having bad days for a couple of weeks…

Lance frowns as he doesn’t spot his mother, doesn’t spot any sign of her. His mother never fail to make dinner when she promises, never left the kitchen clean while he’s away. As Lance stared at the spotless kitchen, dread settle in his stomach.

“--can you imagine next year?” Hunk sighed, taking a seat on the floor as Pidge turn on the television. Everyone settle in the living room, taking their own spot they’ve grown accustomed to.“We’ll be graduating and moving out, we’re actually becoming adults!”

PIdge scoffed, “And let Keith out in the adult world? I think we’ll have to make sure he doesn’t kill himself 24/7.”

“We’ll just have to make sure he actually eat something healthy then,” Hunk laughed as Keith glared at the two. “Plus Lance would might end up coming over too often at Keith’s place.”

At the mention of his name, Lance focus on his friends. His mom is okay, he just needs to stop overthinking. “We’re actually going to rent an apartment together, so pretty much yeah.”

“What the fuck!?”

“Are you two-?”

“We’re just rooming together!” Keith blurred out, face red and hands raised to calm down their two best friends. Lance’s cheeks are also red, realizing the reason for their reaction. “We wanted to save money and thought it would be good like this.”

 

_ “Sorry,” Lance looked up, flinching from the break of silence. His mother have watery eyes, looking down at her folded hands. “I’ve haven’t been doing much and work has been so unstable now-” _

_ “Mom,” Lance interrupted, standing tall as stare into her eyes. “You have nothing to worry about, I love you and I understand. Just take a break, don’t overwhelm yourself okay?” _

_ Lance watched as his mother cried, pulling her into a hug. Behind her, the clock glowed 8:47. He was late for first hour, his phone was blowing up with text messages from his friends, asking if he’s coming in or if he’s okay. He doesn’t pull away though, he lingers and wait for his mother’s cries to quieten to sniffles. It’s only when she pull away and gasp at the time, shoving him out the door. “I promise to make the best dinner tonight!” _

_ Lance only laughed and told her to get some sleep first. _

 

“Where’s your mom?” Keith nudged Lance’s shoulder. “It’s weird to not see her.”

Lance offer a smile, wondering the same thing. It’s after school and there’s no food, the lights were off when he entered and there wasn’t any text message from her saying she’ll be out. She promised to make dinner, but maybe she actually took Lance’s advice. Maybe she accidentally slept the day off. 

“Asleep,” Lance mumbled, slowly making his way out of the living room. “I told her to sleep some more so that might be the case.”

Keith’s eyes linger on Lance’s retreating form, unsure why everything felt off but forced himself to stay in the living room as Hunk and Pidge chatter. 

Lance took a left turn, his stomach churching as he reached to his mother’s door. “Mama?” He knocked the door, waiting for an answer.

Silence. 

“Mama, mi amigos estan aqui,” Lance tried to block out the tremor in his voice. “You should say hey to them.”

It’s the silence that bothers him. If he heard his mother’s sobs, his heart would break and he could easily find an excuse to have his friends leave. If he heard the shower running, he would be able to breath easily and hang with his friends. If he heard the television with a novela playing, he would laughed at his panicking state and leave her alone to continue watching.

The silence forces him to peek inside, to look search for his mother with no regard of what’s her current state. 

The room was first dark, the curtains shutting out the light from outside. It’s when Lance reach for the light switch did the room brighten up. 

The walls were always a pretty shade of light blue. It was the color Lance accidentally stumbled to buying, not the shade of blue he first wanted but the one that grew on him.

 

_ “Maybe next year we can do a darker year,” Lance brighten at the suggestion, eyes widen as his mother laugh. “Yeah, we should do a darker color. Maybe a medium shade first!” _

 

Lance’s mother always like taking pictures, all sorts of frames on the wall and any flat surface were there.

 

_ “Just one last picture” _

_ Lance rolled his eyes, leaning on the tree as his mother set up the camera once more. “By the time we’re done, I’ll have grey hairs.” _

_ His mother laugh at the remark, ruffling his hair as she run to position. _

 

Often she would have a mess in her room, shoes and clothers cluster on the floor. 

 

_ Lance grunt as he pushed himself off the floor, glaring at the shoe that dared to tripped him. It’s when he hears a warm laughed did he smiled and let out a chuckle, allowing his mother to help him back up. “I told you to watch your steps.” _

 

Everything about his mother’s room is normal, should be normal. If there were empty orange bottles scatter around, he wouldn’t worried. It happens. If there was a mess of frames pulled to the floor and the curtains were pull away the window, he wouldn’t be worried. Breakdowns are normal. If his mother was passed out from exhaustion or currently trying to prevent another breakdown, that would been better.

In all sorts of state his mother could have been, he would preferred other than right now. It doesn’t matter what others would say or suggest, finding your mother hang from the ceiling fan is the worst thing to see. 

It's how her body swayed and how unresponsive make Lance’s knees weak, air refusing to enter his lungs and his head is spinning. It was Lance’s cries for his mother that have his friends running into the room. 

“Mama! Mama! No, no, no-Mama!”

“Lance are you-” Keith’s breath is caught in his throat as he enter the room, Hunk and Pidge frozen behind him as they peek inside. 

Lance falls forward, sobs breaking his friend’s heart. “I’m sorry, sorry, sorry. I’m sorry, Mama.” Keith forced himself to move, attempt taking Lance away from the room and calming him down. “No no no. Keith, mi mama necessitas me. Lo siento mama, lo siento.”

  
  


>>>>

 

“Lance?” 

Lance looked up, squinting his eyes as Keith turn on the lamp next to the bed. Snuggling furthur in the blankets, into the warmth that never seems to be enough, Lance felt the bed dip next to him. 

Silence surrounds the two, something Lance learn to be grateful whenever Keith allows it. In quiet times, Lance lets himself to think and collect his thoughts. Sometime it also lets dark thoughts to come, blame coming his way from his mind. The silence lets that happen too often, but it’s better than noise. 

 

_ “Everything is going to be okay,” Keith promised as he hold the sobbing latino, tightening his arms when the front door opened.  _

_ “Keith, I got some take-outs and-” _

_ Keith shushed his brother from the living room, fingers combing through the brown hair while offering more words of comfort.  _

_ He heard a set of footsteps making his way, a moment before Shiro enter the living room.  _

_ Shiro stares at two in sorry, questioning what’s happening and how he can help. Keith sees his older brothers concern, aware he won’t leave till he’s sure what’s going on.  _

_ “Lance’s mother… She killed herself.”  Lance flinched in Keith’s arms, sobs growing heavier as Shiro take a sharp breath. Keith doesn’t know what to do with his friend, not sure how to properly comfort him in this type of situation, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try. “He’s going to be staying here till everything resolves.” _

 

Lance doesn’t mean to read the letter every day, every night. It’s the same words, same message that keeps him holding on for a bit. The ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ makes him think that it’s not his fault. It’s also the fact it’s his mother's last words that keeps him reading it, wanting to know what his mother was thinking, what she was feeling before she did it. 

“There’s some people here for you,” Lance jump, startled from his thoughts. “Some guy here to give you the inheritance from, y’know.”

Lance weakly smile, Keith has been so sweet to him trying his best to ground him. Yes, that’s another reason why Lance is holding on. Because Keith is still here with him. 

“And there’s your…” Keith inhale deeply, placing a hand on Lance and applying pressure as if he’s preparing Lance before bearing the news. “Your dad came, he’s here to check on you.” 

Keith didn’t missed the way Lance took a sharp intake, nor did he missed the shake in Lance’s shoulders. 

Keith never knew the relationship between the Cuban and his father, never got the full story because Keith never pushed or found a reason to know. And to be truthful, there’s not much to the story. 

Lance’s parents were young and dumb, never ready for marriage but tried. They realized they weren’t happy and got their papers done within a year. Lance never held any bad blood with his father, Lance actually stills sends his old man phone calls on special occasions. But right now it's different.

This isn’t a happy phone call, it was talking face to face and possibility talking about the event. Maybe Lance’s father would ask Lance to stay with him, just like a normal parent would do. Lance doesn’t really want to, because all he wants is to stay here and hide from the world till his mama comes back. 

Why isn’t God merciful?

“Should I-”

“No,” Lance turn around freeing one of his hands from the blankets to grab Keith’s wrist. “Stay.”

Keith gave him a small smile, making himself comfortable. Lance didn’t hesitate to latch onto Keith, throwing the blanket onto Keith’s form.

That’s right. Lance still have Keith. 

_____

 

_ Keith watch as Lance leave the house, not missing how weary Lance looked. To say Keith hated Lance looking like this is an understatement. Out of everyone on this world, of this entire galaxy, Lance should be happy and full of life. Never as sad as he is now. And Keith is going to fix that, slowly but surely.  _

_ Keith send a text to the group chat, sending a text that seemed rushed and read the lines of forgetting his homework and need to run back home. As soon as he read a text message from Lance, an offer to pick him up and take him school since he’s late as well, Keith’s heart warmed and he declined.  _

_ Closing his phone, Keith got to work. Keith easily entered the small house, quietly closed the door before he pulled out a piece of rope. In the kitchen, there was a couple dishes in the sink. Keith made a mental note to wash them, it’s better in case Lance decided to work on them himself.  _

_ Keith didn’t hurried himself, entering the living room and picking up the couch pillows to place them neatly on the couch. He left and slowly walked in the hallway, staring at the pictures framed of Lance and himself and their friends on the walls. It made him smile as the pictures were filled with just happiness and childhood innocence. _

_ Soon Lance would be happy like that again. Slowly but surely. _

_ He crept down to the room, peeked inside as the door was left opened. She was asleep, laying down on soft sheets and a smile on her lips.  _

_ It made Keith furious. How could she be so peaceful as Lance look so worn down, as Lance look on the verge on tears when he thinks no one is looking? When he thinks Keith isn’t looking. _

_ Keith didn’t mind his noise, marched inside the room to the woman who caused Lance so much heartbreak. While Keith was made, he wasn’t an idiot. As much as he wanted to strangled her, he was mindful to place the rope right underneath her chin and place as much pressure as he could. _

_ Keith took satisfaction in the way her eyes flew open, enjoying the way her face represent fear so well. It took moments for her to lose conscious, for her vision to blacken and lungs ache. Keith grudgingly pulled the rope away and started forming a noose. As soon as he did, he carried the woman over his shoulder after he place around her neck.  _

_ It was such tiring work, the lifting and throwing the rope over the fan properly as he carried the wrench. While it took effort and multiply tries, Keith felt accomplished when he succeed.  _

_ Feeling the said wrench stirred, Keith didn’t hesitate to drop her, watch as she realized that air is harder to breath and as she struggle with the rope. It took maybe two minutes, her struggles creased and Keith was no longer entertained.  _

_ Now comes the forgening. Keith had all the practice he needed, remembering all the times Lance asked Keith to forged his mother’s signature when he forgot to have a permission signed. Keith smiled at the memory, glad that he’ll be helping Lance once again as he wrote the letter.  _

_ He made sure to leave it in Lance’s room before he does the dishes, before he leaves and lock the house. Keith makes it to the ending of his second hour, which is great because he has Lance the rest of the day. _

 

Keith played with Lance’s hair, feeling content as the other fell asleep. Yes, Lance would be happy again. Slowly and surely, that’s for certain. And while Lance is making recovery to happiness, Keith would make sure that Lance holds onto him only. Keith placed a chaste kiss on the sleeping boy's forehead, whispering his love before sleeping in content.  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, the ending wasn't suppose to like this but hey I always wanted to do a dark!Keith. It was suppose to end like inspiring and remembering people are their to support you, but then this idea hit me and it's like midnight sooooo hope you enjoyed.


End file.
